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My 2018 so far..


Again needing somewhere to type and express myself so here it comes..my 2018 has been rough to say the least. I've been so strong and brave that it hurts to see me back in the same place I began. I haven't really explained myself..

In December 2017, my family and I decided that I would be moving out into a supported living flat. This meant that I was simply have my own flat and there would be other people in the building like usual, but it was for people with learning disabilities. So that meant that there was constant staff to look after you and help you live as independently as possible, a communal room for all the people living there to share a space and talk to each other etc. 

Everything was looking great, perfect even for me.  I went to a Christmas party with them all to introduce myself and enjoyed myself. My parents bought me all the furniture that I wanted to fill the flat with. I took alot of my collections so it felt like home. I thought everything was finally OK and I'd found my place..Damn I was WRONG

I moved in on 1st January 2018, what a new year! To put it simply it just didn't work for me. I won't slam the place and claim that it doesn't suit anyone as it does, just not me..again. I stayed there till April 2018. It was possibly the hardest 3 months of my life. I felt more isolated as I was around people but felt it tricky to interact on a daily basis. I was on facetime to my family constantly as I always needed guidance from them, while missing them terribly. To be honest it was a pure disaster from start to finish. It hurts me to say that as I know all the hard work & money everyone put in.

So after my Disneyland Paris trip in April, I came home. The next week while I had some inspiration in me, I applied for some work experience at my local 'The Entertainer'. I thought this would be perfect for me as I love toys & have great knowledge about them, I don't mind the music they play in the store & the lights don't usually bother me as I'm looking on the shelves. I got accepted and went in for my first day. I was on from 10am to 5pm..well I stayed till 12pm as by lunch my senses were done. Even though I knew about the products & don't mind the music or lights when I'm shopping there, it was a totally different thing working in the same place for 2 hours! Normally I'm in there no more than 20 minutes at a push or if I'm trying to decide what to buy..but 2 hours & more was just too much for my sensory processing. I went to have some lunch and just couldn't walk anymore as I was so done so I had to ring Mum to tell the store I wasn't going back & to pick me up. 
I was gutted & I still am.

I was reading some of my old posts where I talk about my future and what I wanted from going to university to being a graphic designer. It's quite funny to read now as I must have been either in a better place or just being over ambitious as there is NO WAY I could say I could do those things now. So now I just sit at home, no friends (but a few online) & hopeless. I don't know where my life is going to take me honestly and to be fair that quite scary for me. All I wanna do right now is go to the Disney Parks but Dad is sick of going to Paris & we can't afford any other park right now in the school holidays so I'm stuck unfortunately. I WISH I could go to Disneyland Paris on my own & have a blast..but it's not not possible right now..

Sorry this got so depressing, just thought I'd update you all & I needed somewhere to write.
On a positive note, I got the most wonderful email today from an amazing woman & her son called Kerry & Ryan, which made my day..you guys are AWESOME! 
Thank you so much, hope you don't mind me sharing! 
Oh and I recently got Disney Life and I'm loving all the old Disney channel throwback shows! 

Anyway I'll write soon.


P.S. Do you like my new banner..I love it!?

2 comments

TheNotSoGirlyGirl said...

c'mon don't de down! I love Disneyland Paris! I used to live in Paris and I had the Passaport Annuel and I would go every weekend! It's honestly my favorite place on earth. So yeah, I feel you. But at least you are "closer" than I am. :(

You have an awesome blog. I am in love with your blog and I'm following! I would love if you could follow me too.. I would love if we could stay in touch, please?
:P
xoxo

TheNotSoGirlyGirl // Instagram // Facebook

Anonymous said...

I have a physical disability and when my family moved into the house we live in now, it is TOTALLY different from the house we had, so I feel your pain. I skimmed some of your past blogs and it sounds like you were recently given the diagnosis of Asperger's (give or take a year or so).

It sounds like you have some sufficient problems. Are you seeing an occupational/physical therapist? They would be able to help you with adjustment and sensory overload better, because if I'm reading your posts correctly, it sounds like you and your family are completely on your own and that's not really good :O :(